The need to be important, or possibly the need to feel needed.

With technology at our fingertips, all the time, with mobile phones that are equivalent to miniature computers, and therefore constant contact, non-stop communication with the world, does it add to or take away from our sense of importance, of self worth?

So many of us feel the need or maybe the desire to respond instantly to emails, text messages, facebook comments, instant messages such as BBM and What’s App as well as tweets.

Do we feel important when people take an interest in us in this way? Do we not value ourselves, or feel a sense of self worth without being constantly in touch, constantly available, constantly in contact with so many other people?

Within my life coaching work I find that a lot of people do feel that they “need” to be responding instantly, that they “must” reply to emails and messages even when they are in “switch off” mode, relaxing with family, socialising with friends, or away on holiday.

They want to share information, news, thoughts on social media sites such as facebook in order to feel important, valued, to know that others are interested, waiting for feedback and comments.

My work as a life coach is about you feeling worthy within yourself without these external elements to make you feel OK. Feeling truly worthy comes from within. When you feel good, worthy, valued and confident you can enjoy these other forms of contact and yet not “need” them. That’s a much better, healthier place to be.

Female? 40-something? Read this client’s compelling story: Being Vulnerable

Self-Confidence Building
in 7 Steps
Do you want to learn how to have the self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? Be sure to read the tell-all guide Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps to rocket your self-confidence and self-esteem to achieve all that you want.

Life Coach London

Why is it that some people seem to be more bubbly, active, social and noticeable? Why do some people receive lots of attention from friends and colleagues yet you feel as though you blend into the background and lack that outgoing and social flare? Whatever the reasons the good news is that there are steps you can take to become more outgoing and more social right now. There’s nothing difficult involved, but it may not happen overnight.

One of the first steps to take is to begin a little soul searching. Take some time to work out exactly where you are right now in your life and try to discover why you aren’t that outgoing at this point. Do you lack confidence? Do you feel as if you don’t fit in with your social peers? Whatever the initial problems appear to be, they can be overcome with a few methods.

My first tip is to begin listening more carefully to conversations that happen within your social circle. This could be with colleagues at work or perhaps even relatives at family get-togethers. Often introverted people do not pay close attention to everyday conversations, but if you begin to change this you become more knowledgeable on everyday matters and everyday conversations.

Why does this help? Well being more knowledgeable on day-to-day topics and conversations allows you to join in the conversation with appropriate, intelligent and confident comments. Often a few short sentences instantly get you involved in a conversation. Better still they can often make you look like the expert, so don’t be surprised if a conversation gets quickly redirected towards you. What a result!

Next it’s important that you think about your body language when you’re looking at being more outgoing. If you look closely at confident people they often have very good eye contact and you can use this to your advantage by simply mimicking what they do. Next time you are having a conversation or simply exchanging a few words look straight into the eyes of the person you’re talking to. Even if they don’t know why you will instantly appear more confident in yourself and guess what? You’re going to feel more confident within yourself too.

Of course there are more things that you can do, but begin with these two first steps and then progress to greater challenges. It’s certainly a good idea to work with a life coaching professional as they can expertly guide you in increasing your confidence and social skills.

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Most cancer patients understand what lies ahead, especially when faced with a terminal diagnosis like mesothelioma or pancreatic cancer. They know to expect medical tests and scans, surgeries, and aggressive treatments like radiation and chemotherapy.

But while they are focusing on the physical aspects of their cancer, they often dismiss their emotional wellbeing. And learning to live as well as they can, for as long as they can, requires help. Services such as life coaching and mind-body medicine are becoming more common as doctors and patients recognize the need for an improved quality of life.

I myself had to witness the quick decline of my grandfather after he was diagnosed with brain cancer. He had been struggling with my grandmother’s concurrent uterine cancer diagnosis, and his own devastating news was just too much to handle. He became distant and detached, depressed, and lost his zest for life. I have no doubt that his mental and emotional state played into the quick deterioration of his health. My grandmother passed away on June, 26^th 2007, and he passed away later that night—partially from cancer, partially from a broken heart and losing his will to live.

I have no doubt that if we had been able to help him address his mental well-being, it may have prolonged his life, or at least improved the quality of it.

Life Coaching For Cancer Support

While many people see the benefits of life coaching in business and career development, wellness coaching is not as common. But the practice is growing. Life coaching for cancer patients addresses a number of issues experienced by cancer patients, including anxiety, stress, depression, and guilt.

Those with late-stage terminal illnesses, can benefit from life coaching that addresses their emotional problems. Patients with a poor mesothelioma prognosis experience a range of emotions that are hard to express. Anger, guilt, and fear are just a few of the many emotions that can overwhelm these patients. Life coaching can help them determine the best way to live out their lives.

Life coaching also has physical benefits for cancer patients, especially those with short life expectancies. By releasing the fear, anger, dread, and guilt, cancer patients may be able to stop the negative physical effects that can affect the quality of their lives, or even shorten their lives.

Other Benefits Of Life Coaching

Life coaching has a number of benefits, and they generally integrate the physical, emotional, and mental areas of life. Wellness coaching for cancer patients helps them focus on where they are in their cancer experience, where they want to be, and how they can get there. Coaching gives them structure, and encourages them to do more than they think they can do by themselves.

Life coaching gives cancer patients confidence, support, encouragement, and motivation. It gives them a sense of control, as they invest in themselves. Coaching benefits them for the entire length of their lives, no matter the cancer prognosis. And it greatly enhances the quality of their lives.

by Emily Walsh

Emily Walsh is a blogger, cancer advocate and Outreach Director for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance.  Emily is passionate about helping those suffering from cancer find alternative and holistic therapies that may help treat the emotional and mental effects of the disease as well as the physical.

My 5K run is tomorrow, Sunday 2nd October; it’ll be the first time I’ve put myself under a stress of this type.

The closest, in a way, to this kind of pressure, of being with hundreds of other people, doing the same thing, going in the same direction, and wanting to do well, was a few years ago, when I rode a motorbike, and I joined those huge rides where we were either going to protest about parking charges for motorbikes in London, or going to handout Xmas gifts to children in hospitals all over London – so many of us riding together, wanting to keep up with everyone and keep upright on my bike and avoid any accidents!!

Is it that we don’t want to make a fool of ourselves, don’t want to draw attention or do we want to be as good as everyone else, to succeed, to be the same?

Humans love that sense of belonging, being equal.

So, hopefully, tomorrow, I’ll be equal to those who manage to run the whole way, without stopping, it’s only about 40 minutes, and I know I can do it, because I’ve now done it twice before in my practice runs.

My chosen charity for this run is Cancer Research UK – if you want to read my story and see how much I’ve raised, click here

I’ll let you know how it went, keep an eye on my blog after tomorrow…

My previous posts on Natalie Dee, Life Coach 5K Challenge are here – my 5K Challenge and My 2011 Challenge

Female? 40-something? Read this client’s compelling story: Being Vulnerable

Self-Confidence Building
in 7 Steps
Do you want to learn how to have the self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? Be sure to read the tell-all guide Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps to rocket your self-confidence and self-esteem to achieve all that you want.

Life Coach London

Take a look at the advice in this post that can help you land the job of your dreams. Discover how you show true confidence without displaying arrogance. Read on to learn more.

1. Know Your Expertise - First of course, to make sure that you will exude confidence without attitude in your interview, you will first need to know which field you have expertise in. That way, there will be no grey areas as far as your skills and knowledge of the work concerned. During the interview, elaborate your milestones and qualifications without being overconfident. This is very important because too many times, a candidate may be too skilled and truly worthy of the position but then if the employer senses an impending problem in terms of dealing with subordinates and colleagues, then there is a greater chance that the employer will not take you in for the job. In other words, try to sell yourself without being conceited.

2. Master Your Skills - To demonstrate a sense of confidence without attitude, you will need to make sure that you continue learning and developing your skills and expertise. Take life as a continuous series of lessons and you will never be out-of-date no matter what industry you may choose now or in the future. Now that you are aware of your expertise and you are continuously making an effort to improve, you should realize that there is also the need to dress powerfully.

3. Power Dress - It is very important to power dress and show confidence without attitude. To do this, simply choose your most professional clothes. Look your best, but this does not mean you need to spend a fortune. You do not even need to buy new clothes for the interview. Be practical by mixing and matching instead. Find the perfect match that will boost your confidence. What is more important is that you meet your interviewer with a sincere smile and a firm but gentle handshake. This will be a good way of showing you are humble, friendly and not at all boastful but merely an individual with just the right amount of confidence.

4. Render an Image Of Success – Finally it is important to show a positive and winning image during any type of interview. This helps to convince your potential employer that you have what they are looking for. Of course an employer bases their selection on your qualifications and experience, but you have to be good-natured, a team player and confident if you are to represent your employer’s business in a good light at all times.

Life Coach London

As a life coach, this is a common issue that I hear again and again in coaching sessions with my clients.

Many of us fear being scrutinised, judged and criticised.  And even if we can’t hear it we second guess others and decide that that is what they are doing.

One thing I know for sure is that we cannot actually know what other people are thinking if they don’t tell us.  To spend, or maybe it would be more appropriate to say ‘waste’,  time, effort and energy, imagining we know what other people are thinking really is rather ridiculous.

Yet so many people do this.

What does it tell us?  Firstly, that there is an inherent sense of lack of self worth in the person who has these thoughts, which is worth addressing and changing, since it really does drain a person mentally and emotionally.

And secondly, that very possibly, the person with these thoughts is judgemental and critical of others!!

Instead of wasting your thoughts and emotions on such negative and destructive thinking, take stock of what causes you to think and feel this way and do something about it for yourself.  You will benefit the most if you can reach a point in your life where you feel good about yourself to the point where you can let go of worrying what others think of you.

I know how it feels, I’ve been there too and I also know you can change this.

Whether you choose to work with me or find other resources to help you get there, it’s worth doing something about this, and it will free you up to focus your mind and attention on more useful things in your life.

Are you a 40 something female? Feeling the pressure? Discover this eye opening and true life account that is changing lives today: Being Vulnerable

In my work as a life coach I come across this need to identify oneself by one’s job title.  I recently asked a client: “Who are you beyond your work?” and his response was, “I am a failure”.

The job title is so easy to hide behind yet beyond our position in our working lives many of us feel that we have little else to say about ourselves, not much to offer, haven’t achieved very much.

This is most likely far from the truth, only a perception of our truth, the way we see ourselves and our lives. At work it is often easier to measure our personal success and achievements, whereas in our personal lives how would we do that?

“I am a failure” is simply another way of saying “I don’t believe in myself.”

I do think this is rather sad, to think of oneself as a “failure”. There is so much that we do in our lives, that to say such a thing shows a very low sense of self worth and self esteem.

We may not all achieve medals or awards, we may not all get public or wide recognition for what we do do, yet we all contribute to this world and the people around us in one way or another and whatever we have done and are doing has value.

You are a valuable person as much as the next person, regardless of your job title. You can work with a life coach or find your own way to change the way you see yourself and your life; it can only bring greater happiness and fulfilment to you if you do.

Female? 40-something? Read this client’s compelling story: Being Vulnerable

Did you notice how many times she said can’t?

This is quite standard in the work that I do with my clients as a life coach.

The word can’t is a small four letter word. Many people have been using it most of their lives without consciously knowing how this small word can deeply and negatively affect their unconscious mind. They do not realise the actual implication and consequence this petty word can have on the quality of their lives.

This seemingly small and insignificant word can, in fact, have a huge impact on people’s lives. It has the power to weaken and reduce self-esteem and confidence. It has the enormous and solid strength to keep people where they are and prevent them from moving ahead in their lives.

Instead of using such a word, replace it with “I choose to…” or perhaps, “I choose not to…” This way you regain positive control over your life because you will consciously make choices along the way.

The client above had a choice that she can make. She can choose to remain employed where she is and learn to accept her manager, or she can resign and search for another job. She had the choice to do either, and it is through that choice that she can improve her life.

As it happened, the lady above chose to think about her manager in a different way by adopting the, “I choose to see (my manager) from a new perspective as of now.”

We all make daily choices in our lives. Let us choose ones that add value.

If you were to replace “I can’t…” with “I choose…” how much of a difference will that make on how you feel and therefore, how you act?

Yours,

Natalie Dee
Life Coach London

In fact just yesterday I heard movie star and 41-year-old Jennifer Aniston described as the older woman! The older woman? You have to be kidding me! Here’s a Hollywood actress who is stunningly beautiful, incredibly successful and appears to be driving her career onwards and upwards at every opportunity. Yet at 41 our low IQ’d media refers to her as an older woman.

Is there any wonder that people in their 40s or even approaching their 40s are losing their confidence and have low self-esteem? Through years of media influence and bad social judgement we become conditioned to thinking that if we don’t have all we want by the time we reach our 40s then something seriously wrong.

In fact this type of conditioning and mindset couldn’t be further from the truth. Your 40s should be the age where you grow more confident, where you find inner peace, where you can apply years of knowledge and experience to improve your own life and grow ever confident.

With 40 years or more life experience under your belt you do have a huge amount of wisdom and information stored in your magnificent grey matter. All you need to do is to chip away at the years of negative conditioning and mindset that will allow you to realise your true inner power.

Of course this is easier said than done and you may need to work with a professional confidence coach to guide you strategically and effectively through this process. But there are some simple things that you can do today that will help you change your mindset and grow more confident whether you are in your 40s, 50s, 60s or beyond!

Here’s my top tip of something you can do today – stop comparing yourself to other people and compare yourself only to yourself. For example if you are a successful business person and you compared your current position to that of five years ago, have you made progress? More than likely you have, you have been improving and you have been progressing. Take pride in this and be confident in your achievements.

Under no circumstances should you compare your business career to someone else. I mean who could you compare yourself to? Your colleague? Why stop there, your boss? No, let’s go a little higher, let’s compare ourselves to Donald Trump? Mogul Trump has a completely different background, life and career to you, as do your closest colleagues. Comparing yourself to anybody who is weaker or greater than you will only give you a false report as to who you are and a false report on your own progress.

Only look at yourself for comparisons and be confident in your progress whether it be health, business or personal achievements.

Only when we take the time and make the effort to make changes, do we open the door to experiencing new outcomes, different results, unexpected opportunities.

I have done this almost all my adult life, I have constantly made changes, moving jobs, moving home, moving country, moving back again to this country!  Going to events, or places where I don’t know anyone, taking risks, having a go…

My life has always been different, interesting and I would even say exciting compared to the mundane existence of many people I meet.

Work with a London life coach and break those old dull patterns and do new things that will make your life different and interesting.

Make changes in your life, one small change at a time, and experience new outcomes.

All the best,

Natalie Dee
Life Coach London