Self Confidence

So often people identify themselves by their job titles; they introduce themselves in social or business events by their name and then their role.

In my work as a life coach I come across this need to identify oneself by one’s job title.  I recently asked a client: “Who are you beyond your work?” and his response was, “I am a failure”.

The job title is so easy to hide behind yet beyond our position in our working lives many of us feel that we have little else to say about ourselves, not much to offer, haven’t achieved very much.

This is most likely far from the truth, only a perception of our truth, the way we see ourselves and our lives. At work it is often easier to measure our personal success and achievements, whereas in our personal lives how would we do that?

“I am a failure” is simply another way of saying “I don’t believe in myself.”

I do think this is rather sad, to think of oneself as a “failure”. There is so much that we do in our lives, that to say such a thing shows a very low sense of self worth and self esteem.

We may not all achieve medals or awards, we may not all get public or wide recognition for what we do do, yet we all contribute to this world and the people around us in one way or another and whatever we have done and are doing has value.

You are a valuable person as much as the next person, regardless of your job title. You can work with a life coach or find your own way to change the way you see yourself and your life; it can only bring greater happiness and fulfilment to you if you do.

Female? 40-something? Read this client’s compelling story: Being Vulnerable

“I have a great job, but I just can’t seem to get on with my manager,” a young client, in her mid-twenties, finally opened up. “I love the job and the people. It’s just him. He makes me cringe. I can’t stand him.”

Did you notice how many times she said can’t?

This is quite standard in the work that I do with my clients as a life coach.

The word can’t is a small four letter word. Many people have been using it most of their lives without consciously knowing how this small word can deeply and negatively affect their unconscious mind. They do not realise the actual implication and consequence this petty word can have on the quality of their lives.

This seemingly small and insignificant word can, in fact, have a huge impact on people’s lives. It has the power to weaken and reduce self-esteem and confidence. It has the enormous and solid strength to keep people where they are and prevent them from moving ahead in their lives.

Instead of using such a word, replace it with “I choose to…” or perhaps, “I choose not to…” This way you regain positive control over your life because you will consciously make choices along the way.

The client above had a choice that she can make. She can choose to remain employed where she is and learn to accept her manager, or she can resign and search for another job. She had the choice to do either, and it is through that choice that she can improve her life.

As it happened, the lady above chose to think about her manager in a different way by adopting the, “I choose to see (my manager) from a new perspective as of now.”

We all make daily choices in our lives. Let us choose ones that add value.

If you were to replace “I can’t…” with “I choose…” how much of a difference will that make on how you feel and therefore, how you act?

Yours,

Natalie Dee
Life Coach London

Mid life crisis, over the hill, past it, we have all heard them right? Phrases and sayings like this seem to be 10 a penny and you only have to spend five minutes watching or reading any type of modern-day media to be sucked into the trap that if you’re not 25, married, successful and world-famous then you’re simply way behind in life and might as well quit now.

In fact just yesterday I heard movie star and 41-year-old Jennifer Aniston described as the older woman! The older woman? You have to be kidding me! Here’s a Hollywood actress who is stunningly beautiful, incredibly successful and appears to be driving her career onwards and upwards at every opportunity. Yet at 41 our low IQ’d media refers to her as an older woman.

Is there any wonder that people in their 40s or even approaching their 40s are losing their confidence and have low self-esteem? Through years of media influence and bad social judgement we become conditioned to thinking that if we don’t have all we want by the time we reach our 40s then something seriously wrong.

In fact this type of conditioning and mindset couldn’t be further from the truth. Your 40s should be the age where you grow more confident, where you find inner peace, where you can apply years of knowledge and experience to improve your own life and grow ever confident.

With 40 years or more life experience under your belt you do have a huge amount of wisdom and information stored in your magnificent grey matter. All you need to do is to chip away at the years of negative conditioning and mindset that will allow you to realise your true inner power.

Of course this is easier said than done and you may need to work with a professional confidence coach to guide you strategically and effectively through this process. But there are some simple things that you can do today that will help you change your mindset and grow more confident whether you are in your 40s, 50s, 60s or beyond!

Here’s my top tip of something you can do today – stop comparing yourself to other people and compare yourself only to yourself. For example if you are a successful business person and you compared your current position to that of five years ago, have you made progress? More than likely you have, you have been improving and you have been progressing. Take pride in this and be confident in your achievements.

Under no circumstances should you compare your business career to someone else. I mean who could you compare yourself to? Your colleague? Why stop there, your boss? No, let’s go a little higher, let’s compare ourselves to Donald Trump? Mogul Trump has a completely different background, life and career to you, as do your closest colleagues. Comparing yourself to anybody who is weaker or greater than you will only give you a false report as to who you are and a false report on your own progress.

Only look at yourself for comparisons and be confident in your progress whether it be health, business or personal achievements.