The need to be important, or possibly the need to feel needed.

With technology at our fingertips, all the time, with mobile phones that are equivalent to miniature computers, and therefore constant contact, non-stop communication with the world, does it add to or take away from our sense of importance, of self worth?

So many of us feel the need or maybe the desire to respond instantly to emails, text messages, facebook comments, instant messages such as BBM and What’s App as well as tweets.

Do we feel important when people take an interest in us in this way? Do we not value ourselves, or feel a sense of self worth without being constantly in touch, constantly available, constantly in contact with so many other people?

Within my life coaching work I find that a lot of people do feel that they “need” to be responding instantly, that they “must” reply to emails and messages even when they are in “switch off” mode, relaxing with family, socialising with friends, or away on holiday.

They want to share information, news, thoughts on social media sites such as facebook in order to feel important, valued, to know that others are interested, waiting for feedback and comments.

My work as a life coach is about you feeling worthy within yourself without these external elements to make you feel OK. Feeling truly worthy comes from within. When you feel good, worthy, valued and confident you can enjoy these other forms of contact and yet not “need” them. That’s a much better, healthier place to be.

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1. Drink water at the start of each day, and before every meal; there’s no fixed amount.  If you can manage two or even three glasses that will help you feel full before you start eating so it will naturally cause you to eat less.  Even one glass is good, do what feels right for you.
2. When drinking alcohol, you can restrict your calories and the amount you’re having by drinking a glass of water in between the alcoholic drinks; and if you can, always pour yourself or request a small glass of wine or a small bottle of beer.  That way if you do have more, you are having more without having quite as much as you would have done if every glass/bottle was large.
3. Have nibbles, but take a small amount in the palm of your hand and move away from the bowl of nuts, crisps, chocolates, etc.  Enjoy the sensation of feeling them in your hand and seeing them, this will appeal to your kinaesthetic (touchy, feely) and visual senses, which will help you feel more satisfied about having the nibbles.  Also, eat them slowly, one at a time, rather than a palm-full at a time.
4. At the Christmas lunch itself, do have a bit of everything you like; the key is only take a small amount of everything, and if you do want seconds, again have a small amount of only those things you really and truly want, rather than everything!  Remember the good old tips around eating well, eating consciously: eat slowly, really chew and taste your food, put your cutlery down between each mouthful so you’re taking more time to work through your food; it’ll last longer on your plate, you’ll feel more satisfied and you’ll enjoy it more.
5. Christmas pudding: have it, and again, have a smaller portion than usual.  And if you want a second helping, have some and again, simply keep your portion small, and eat consciously – instead of scoffing it down, savour every mouthful, put your spoon down in between each mouthful and eat slowly.
6. And finally, coffee and chocolate after dinner – have some chocolate if there’s room in your tummy and that’s what you really want.  Just have one small bit, so that you get to enjoy the flavour and the taste without over-loading yourself.

If you follow these 6 simple tips for how to manage Christmas lunch, you are highly likely to eat a lot less than you usually would have done and if you can eat 50% less than you’ve done in the past then well done you!!

In this way you still get to enjoy all the foods you love and want to eat, and still feel good about yourself, and less heavy, less tired and less full than you would’ve done if you’d eaten the “old” way. I know this works for many of my clients, I hope it works for you.

Do share with us below your thoughts, ideas, any other tips and suggestions on how to manage Christmas lunch and what works best for you. Wishing you all a wonderful time over the holidays and a Happy New Year for 2012!!

Female? 40-something? Read this client’s compelling story: Being Vulnerable

Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps Do you want to learn how to have the self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? Be sure to read the tell-all guide Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps to rocket your self-confidence and self-esteem to achieve all that you want. Life Coach London

First of all it’s very important not to lose your sense of you and who you are. Negative emotions are incredibly infectious so it’s imperative that you don’t get dragged down with other people. Remain the happy, outgoing and positive person that you are at all times.

Try not to judge negative people too much. They are who they are because of a number of reasons and perhaps some very valid reasons that you will never understand. So try to be patient and sympathetic to those who you socialise, live or work with.

People very often mimic or copy others that they spend time with and as mentioned earlier it’s important that you don’t mimic any of the negative behaviour you are attempting to deal with. However if you remain positive throughout any situation or challenge you may find other people begin to and mimic you. If a generally negative person begins to adopt your positive persona and behaviour then this can only be a good thing.

One effective method that you can put into practice today is the technique of reminiscing. For example when a negative person is stuck in a very downgrading situation, try reminiscing or relating your current situation to a more happy and positive time in the past. This can sometimes give people an instant positive twist and solution to a current problem. For example imagine a colleague who is seriously worried about an upcoming interview with their boss. They may begin to feel self doubt and feel very negative about who they are and how they will come over in their interview, but if you could reminisce about when they succeeded in a past interview, gave a compelling presentation or produced an excellent result for their employer you could quite possibly twist their attitude into a positive outlook.

This is perhaps one of the most effective techniques I have come across and it’s one that you can instantly use with a friend, relative or a colleague. Give it a try and see just how effective it is.

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The first method is to sometimes let temptation get the better of you and to simply give in to those guilty pleasures once in a while. If you put too much pressure on yourself you are simply going to give in any way, so aiming to be good 80% of the time is a very good place to start. Obviously giving in to temptation in certain areas may not be advisable, I’m talking about faithful marriages and the like. In these situations your approach will have to be a little better than 80%.

Some of the most tempting situations that people find themselves in are more often than not related to food, cigarettes and alcohol. One of the key elements of resisting in these situations is to remove the temptation before it becomes one. For example if you are attempting to lose weight or improve your diet, ensure you do not have the wrong foods in your house, in your car, in your bag or at your place of work. Removing them from within easy reach can drastically improve your results.

If you do fall to this temptation once in awhile you will be forced to go out of your way to get what you desire. So it may mean going to the shops to grab that chocolate bar or that packet of cigarettes.  Having to make an extra journey is sometimes a good way of controlling and measuring the temptation, so if you do fall at the temptation hurdle at least it will be once in a while and you can moderate your guilty pleasure.

My next tip is all to do with accountability. Why not share what you are attempting to resist with friends, family or colleagues? They can help to support you, remind you and hold you accountable. This is a very positive method as it can instantly give you a support network that’s very effective. It also gives you a great opportunity to talk to others when you are going through a very difficult and tempting time.

My final tip is related to the one above. Why not start your journey with a friend? For example if you are looking to lose weight, why not do this with someone else that also wants to lose weight? Having a partner or team to accompany you can not only be very effective but also a great deal of fun!

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Last month I completed a 5K run, it was the first time I’d ever done a run and since running has never been my sport, I was extremely pleased at having achieved this goal.

So what happens next?

Knowing I had a date for a 5K run gave me something to aim towards…  having completed it, it’s now time to think of something new.

I do have lots of ideas, although none so far that really stand out, that really excite or inspire me in the way I want it to in order to make it my main goal.

What about you?

Have you set yourself any particular goals recently?  What will you be doing or what have you done?

Share your ideas with us here and let’s see if we can inspire each other to set and achieve some new goals.

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Do you want to learn how to have the self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? Be sure to read the tell-all guide Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps to rocket your self-confidence and self-esteem to achieve all that you want.

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My first tip is to simply avoid any kind of power struggle as you will never win. As I’m sure you are aware an argument, heated debate or conflict of interests can lead to a complete locking of horns where you are left feeling frustrated and at a loss over and over again. If an argument can’t be avoided or other discussion begins to get a little heated, always try to remain calm especially when you speak and demonstrate this with a relaxed and polite tone of voice. Also try to see the argument from their point of view and let them know that you understand their opinion, this can really help soothe matters and end any aggressive moments quickly.

Always try to be the best communicator that you can be when talking with someone. Ask them how they would solve a problem or how they would improve a situation. By doing this you are allowing them to voice their opinions without them having to shout you down first, it’s similar to you giving someone space when they need it. Dance with them don’t fight them!

When it comes to negative or even hurtful comments it’s important that you continue to remain calm, consistent and respond only with positive comments yourself. For every negative comment an aggressive person makes respond with 2 positive comments.

Sometimes passive aggressive people can respond with more intensity than needed, even to a simple suggestion or constructive advice. To avoid this problem try not to bring in your own judgements or evaluations. Instead talk about the impact a situation is having on other people and the impact it’s having on you. This way you’re not accusing anyone of any wrong doing but merely outlining what’s happening and the effects that are occurring.

A great tip to deal with such people either at home or at work is to give tasks that are straightforward and not over complicated. These can be tasks that you know they are good at and tasks you know they will succeed at, allowing them to feel successful and positive as much as possible. Doing this will allow all people involved to avoid as much confrontation and negativity as possible.

Natalie Dee
NLP, Confidence Coaching, Life Coaching London

Life Coach London

But how do you motivate anyone? How can you keep people inspired and moving forward?

I want to take you back to a time when you were a young student at school, perhaps in your teens. Now I want you to think of a teacher that really got the best out of you, a teacher of a lesson that you enjoyed attending, a teacher of a subject where you actually studied hard. I can bet my bottom dollar that the very teacher your thinking of was positive, upbeat but more importantly gave you lots of positive praise on all of your work, whatever it’s grade or standard.

Now think of the opposite, a teacher who you disliked and a lesson that you simply didn’t enjoy. It’s safe to say that 9 times out of 10 this teacher wasn’t very forthcoming with positive praise and only managed a little when you did something outstanding.

Which one motivated you more? The one with the praise, right? Well that’s the first tip and perhaps the best tip of them all. If you want to get someone geared up, then give them lots of praise and encouragement. Be positive when they do something right and be positive when they mess up! One advancement for this tip that works incredibly well in the workplace is to give someone praise publicly. A pat on the back or simple recognition in front of colleagues and peers is worth tenfold of that given in public.

To keep people interested and inspired also requires an interesting oxymoron, ok so this is my own oxymoron but it works. Here goes, give people Controlled Freedom! What this means is that if you give someone a clear task with clear goals you are keeping some kind of control. Well do that but then give them the
freedom and space to work on this task, give them the freedom to disagree and make suggestions.

Providing a goal and then letting people work on their own inspired ideas enables them to feel like they’re not only contributing to an objective, but they are being given a valued opportunity to use their initiative. You have shown respect, they will really appreciate this and you’re going to get one highly motivated individual!

Too many of us, too often, forget about what we want in our life and how to stay focused on our goals, ambitions and desires and we live our lives according to what or how (or so we think) others want for us.

Whether we have many years to live in this life time or whether ours is only a fleeting visit, be clear about what you want and set yourself a goal to go out there and get it.

Live a full and fulfilling life, follow your dreams, and be the person you want to be.  Those who matter to you will love you for it and the benefits will be multiple – for you, those close to you and those who come into contact with you.

Live in such a way that at any point in time you can look back and say “This is what I’ve done, this is what I’m doing and this is where I’m going, and I love every part of my journey.”

We grow, learn, develop and enjoy our lives most when we are true to ourselves, to our hearts desires, to our dreams.

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Why is it that some people seem to be more bubbly, active, social and noticeable? Why do some people receive lots of attention from friends and colleagues yet you feel as though you blend into the background and lack that outgoing and social flare? Whatever the reasons the good news is that there are steps you can take to become more outgoing and more social right now. There’s nothing difficult involved, but it may not happen overnight.

One of the first steps to take is to begin a little soul searching. Take some time to work out exactly where you are right now in your life and try to discover why you aren’t that outgoing at this point. Do you lack confidence? Do you feel as if you don’t fit in with your social peers? Whatever the initial problems appear to be, they can be overcome with a few methods.

My first tip is to begin listening more carefully to conversations that happen within your social circle. This could be with colleagues at work or perhaps even relatives at family get-togethers. Often introverted people do not pay close attention to everyday conversations, but if you begin to change this you become more knowledgeable on everyday matters and everyday conversations.

Why does this help? Well being more knowledgeable on day-to-day topics and conversations allows you to join in the conversation with appropriate, intelligent and confident comments. Often a few short sentences instantly get you involved in a conversation. Better still they can often make you look like the expert, so don’t be surprised if a conversation gets quickly redirected towards you. What a result!

Next it’s important that you think about your body language when you’re looking at being more outgoing. If you look closely at confident people they often have very good eye contact and you can use this to your advantage by simply mimicking what they do. Next time you are having a conversation or simply exchanging a few words look straight into the eyes of the person you’re talking to. Even if they don’t know why you will instantly appear more confident in yourself and guess what? You’re going to feel more confident within yourself too.

Of course there are more things that you can do, but begin with these two first steps and then progress to greater challenges. It’s certainly a good idea to work with a life coaching professional as they can expertly guide you in increasing your confidence and social skills.

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Well firstly let me dispel that myth. Happiness can be searched for and discovered by you starting today. Now obviously I have no idea as to how you feel right now. Perhaps you are at the lowest point in your life or perhaps everything is fine and you just want a little more. Whatever your personal situation I know the following tips can help you with your quest, but my one piece of advice is it you search and find an absolute personal coaching and life coaching professional to help you move forward.

Problems: There are all kinds of problems that we face daily, weekly, monthly, whenever. And problems in any size, shape or form seemed to be a huge hurdle or brick wall we need to navigate over or through in order to find happiness. But this is perhaps the initial problem with every problem. You are looking at it as just that, instead try to look at every individual problem as a temporary challenge waiting to be overcome.

Begin focusing on a solution to each problem rather than the problem itself. This can begin by simply writing down your challenge and your solution as this will instantly move your vision to overcoming this problem rather than staring blankly in the face. Try it, you will be surprised just how positive the results are and how quickly they come.

The Moment: So many people seem to live their lives in the past or at the other end of the spectrum spend too long worrying about things that haven’t even arrived. To achieve some more happiness in your life try to live in the moment. Look at where you are right now, this very second and you will find something to be happy about, perhaps it simply finding and reading this article, perhaps it sparked a little imagination or turned on a lightbulb for you.

I could go on and on with more solutions and more advice. But simply begin with these two tips and test them out. Positive results will come and you will no doubt attract more happiness into your life. Of course don’t forget to contact a professional life coach who can help you move forward further into the future.

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